The difference
by ShyQuill
Summary: AU What if Dumbledore never became headmaster? Remus wouldn’t have been able to go to Hogwarts. When Sirius becomes a healer they meet at the ministry. RLSB SLASH
1. prologue

_Summary_: AU What if Dumbledore never became headmaster? Remus wouldn't have been able to go to Hogwarts. When Sirius becomes a healer they meet at the ministry. RLSB SLASH

_Warnings_: This is rated for slash rlsb! And also bad spelling and grammar (not to mention that my pc doesn't have an English spell check), I need a BETA, a good one too. Can become M later.

_Disclaimer_: Not mine!

* * *

PROLOGUE

Sirius Black woke up, jumped out of his four poster and proceeded to pounce James. 'Wake up! Wake up, you slacker!'

'Geroff'

'Come on Jamesy-boy, last day of school! Graduation today! Party tonight!' Sirius bounced around the room, collecting his clothes and started to put them on. 'Wake up James, even Peter is up!'

'I can't believe we're never going to eat the house elves breakfast again.' Peter yelled from the bathroom. I'm really going to miss them. Oh, I think Lily's waiting for you in the common room James. Do you think they'll make sausages?'

'Im sure they'll miss you too, Pete.' James mumbled while getting up. He couldn't leave his Lily waiting, after all. 'Lets go, Ill take a shower later.'

'You always have your priorities straight, don't you, James.' Sirius snickered and thumped James on the head.

'Im sorry, are you being funny? You're acting like a schoolgirl.' James said, clearly annoyed as he walked out of the door to escort Lily to the great Hall.

Once everyone was seated at the Gryffindor table headmaster Warley started his end of year speech. Neither of the three marauders paid him much attention, they were planning their final prank.

* * *

'Just fill out this application form, Mr Black, and we'll take care of the rest.'

Sirius smiled at the girl. Here he was, doing what people least expected from him. He knew that even James still hoped he'd end up applying for auror. I wasn't that he didn't want to help fight in the war, but somehow healing people, helping them seemed much more attractive. He'd always liked to take care of the people around them, comforting James when his parents had died, looking out for Peter when Slytherins were around… He'd never admit to it, but he liked doing these things. Not to mention the great bloody wounds he'd be charming to stop bleeding. He grinned, he was going to be an ace healer, best they'd ever seen.

* * *

'But Mr Surley, I didn't want to become a healer to help werewolves!' Sirius saw his dreams being shattered. 'Let somebody else help them, Id rather work with –'

'Mr Black, I could always send you to handout information about STD prevention in the schools, I suggest you accept this internship and be happy with it.' Richard Surley had never been a friendly man. 'After all, it is only for four months.'

'But-'

'No buts, Mr Black, Im not going to give you a speech about taking opportunities, make sure you report to Healer Bandaid at the werewolf registry tomorrow morning at six.'

Sirius took the paper and walked out of the office without saying anything. He'd go over too James for drinks tonight, James who was almost getting married. They should see if Peter could come too, hadn't seen him for a while. Get drunk real good. He grinned and shoved his hands in his pockets. He was not going to try very hard these next four months. Why did werewolves need healers anyway? Didn't they go around eating children or something. He tried to remember what his old school books had said about them. Nothing good, he was sure of that.


	2. Chapter one

_Summary_: AU What if Dumbledore never became headmaster? Remus wouldn't have been able to go to Hogwarts. When Sirius becomes a healer they meet at the ministry. RLSB SLASH

_Warnings_: This is rated for slash rlsb! And also bad spelling and grammar. I need a BETA, a good one too. Can become M later.

_Disclaimer_: Not mine!

* * *

CHAPTER ONE

He had realised that his first day was the day of the full moon, however he now knew he had been very wrong to assume this would be a job giving werewolves their shots, like a vet would do. Bandaid had given him a quick explanation of the job, they were the main centre for branding the werewolves, giving them their yearly bite check-ups, their three monthly feral check and disposal if necessary. Apart from that they had to house the werewolves in the London area at full moon nights, which basically meant locking them up for the night.

* * *

Remus stumbled into his apartment. He seemed to be out of luck today, he was tired because of the full moon tonight.

He had known it would be like this three years ago when he kissed his parents goodbye and left for London. He'd been seventeen, of age in the wizarding world and leaving the cottage had felt like an adventure. Now however he had lost what must've been his twenty-something job, it wouldn't have been a great loss if he didn't need the money for the rent so desperately. Stocking shelves had never been his idea of what his life would be like, but he didn't have much choice, and he knew.

His education was lacking seriously because he had had to change schools every couple of months. He never had gotten the chance to settle somewhere and make friends, never learned how to make friends either. His parents had tried to get him into Hogswarts, but they should've known it was a lost case, he wasn't allowed to own a wand anyway, he couldn't handle one either. When he was a child he tried and nick his dad's but he had soon given up on it, better not to know what he missed out on.

He liked reading, but no one had ever gotten a job because they had read Homer. Even librarians needed a thorough education these days, and he couldn't spare the time nor the money to get that.

No one would hire a werewolf anyway.

He cut of his depressing thoughts and got up and started rummaging through the refrigerator. He knew he wouldn't find anything, but sometimes something would magically appear, the ministry couldn't hold involuntary magic against him. No such luck today, he'd better take a nap and set his alarm, he had to catch the bus to the registry at four.

* * *

Sirius was surprised to see the werewolves, nothing like he imagined, really. Only four would be in the London area today, and three of them were present. His job was easy enough. Put werewolves in cage, lock them up, come back in the morning. He was starting to wonder where the fourth werewolf was, he didn't want any trouble on his first day. Checking his watch for the umpteenth time, he decided to get started and turned to the woman on his left.

'Good evening, mam, ready for the lock-up then?' The woman looked pale but she nodded and stepped into the first cage with a sigh. Sirius quickly spelled it close and proceeded. Soon he had finished, the spells were easy after all.

* * *

Remus got off the bus stop and started running toward the phone booth.

'Remus Lupin, here for lock-up' He panted, he got his badge and for once he was glad didn't have a wand to check in. He couldn't believe he had overslept, they were supposed to be locked up at five, and it was almost ten past. He knew Bandaid would be angry, a later lock-up meant overtime for Bandaid, Remus knew. Not to mention the penalty that would be awaiting him.

As he ran down the stairs he saw it was a trainee of some sort, good looking man he though. This could go either well, or very bad.

* * *

Sirius saw the man hurrying toward him with a frightened look and couldn't help the small smile on his face. He knew they could give penalties up to a thousand galleon, but the man didn't look like he would be able to raise the money anyway, with his patched clothes. He frowned at himself for being so smpathetic with the werewolves.

The man, no not really a man, more a boy, he didn't look a day older then sixteen. He didn't look like Sirius had expected from a werewolf, the boy had pretty brown eyes, and he looked – sweet.

'Im so sorry, the battery of my alarm must've died-' Sirius snapped out of his daze.

'No problem at all, you're just in time.' He tried to give his best dazzling smile, it didn't feel natural though, nothing felt natural, as if there wasn't enough oxygen in the dungeons.

Remus snapped his mouth shut and looked at the ground, best not to draw more attention to himself. He shuffled toward the open cage and while Sirius locked it hestarted undressing and pushing his clothes trough the bars.

'Can I put those somewhere for you?' Sirius didn't know why, but he had a sudden urge to make conversation with this boy.

'No that – that's alright, Ill be fine.' Remus quickly said, feeling more naked then ever.

'Alright. Ill be here in the morning.' Sirius added, he couldn't help the feeling of disappointment when the boy didn't reply, just nodded.

* * *

I got a whopping 0 reviews last time. Don't hesitate to leave criticism, please, just no flames à la 'you suck!11!'. Let me know if Im being to mushy.

Also, I know my entries are short, and its really up to you guys(if anybody is reading this), either wait longer or shorter updates.

Next: Sirius finds out why werewolves need healers and more.


	3. Chapter two

_Summary_: AU What if Dumbledore never became headmaster? Remus wouldn't have been able to go to Hogwarts. When Sirius becomes a healer they meet at the ministry. RLSB SLASH

_Warnings_: This is rated for slash rlsb! Can become M later.

_Disclaimer_: Not mine!

Many thanks to my wonderful beta Versipellis! Who not only betad but gave me great advice. Check out her stories! Remaining mistakes are my own.

Chapter dedicated to Kristi, who left me my first review by somebody I don't know personally. g

* * *

He hadn't realised it would be anything like this. He had seen these kind of wounds before of course, they were at war, big bloody chunks of flesh that seemed to be ripped out. For one moment he wasn't sure what to do. The thick scent of blood became too much and he switched on automatic pilot.

'First, the werewolves with a family waiting for them.' He thought, repeating Bandaid's rules to himself, opening up the first cage and leading the woman toward the room in the back. He was happy family members weren't allowed in the dungeons, happy that they couldn't witness this clumsiness while a loved one suffered. He had to repeat to himself that they were not human. The boy last night had started it all – no, not a boy, an animal- he couldn't stop seeing those eyes, wondering what had happened and how somebody who looked so kind could be a monster. He quickly finished the three werewolves.

The boy from last night was the only one who seemed to be alone. Sirius wondered how he'd ever make it home. There was blood everywhere; covering the floor and the wall behind him. He lay unconscious on the floor, and for one moment Sirius thought he had make a horrible mistake to take care of him last. However the boy –not boy, werewolf, he corrected himself- started to move slowly and groaned. Sirius moved forward quickly to help him up and into the healing room. The feel of the dreadfully thin waist under his arms was heartbreaking.

Once they were in the room he pressed a dose of potion to his lips; the boy drank it down and turned on his side, not saying anything. Sirius took the vial away and startled as the boy spoke.

'What is it?' His voice sounded weary, as if he had screamed too loud for too long, which was probably true, Sirius thought.

'Just a blood replenishing potion.' Sirius replied 'I'll give you some extra to take home with you, you'll need it.' He started rummaging int his bag. 'Here take this too; it's a strong painkilling potion.' Sirius quickly did his healing charms. The boy had so many scars that they littered his body, from his big toe to his nose. Sirius knew there was only one werewolf in the London area that was bitten as a child. He figured this must be him, the only one who didn't know how to use magic either. No painkilling spells or soothing charms. Sirius winced. Thank merlin there were no muggle werewolves in the area. He finished bandaging Remus and gave him some vials.

'Thank you, Sir' Remus said quietly as he took the vial. Sirius laughed at that.

'No need to call me Sir, Sirius will do just fine.' He chuckled; this kid was growing on him. Remus however looked a bit shocked.

'O-okay, you can call me Remus, of course. I mean you don't have-'

'Ill do that, Remus. Shouldn't your parents be here to pick you up?' Sirius wondered why he hadn't thought of that before. He frowned. Why weren't his parents here? He had left the charts with the personal information from the werewolves upstairs in the office.

'Oh, no, I've been living alone for some years now.'

Sirius frowned. 'How old _are_ you, kid?'

Remus' eyebrows shot up at that. The potions were starting to work and he was feeling much better. He started feeling giddy, and this trainee had been very nice to him, much nicer then anyone else, really. He wondered if he could touch him.

'Kid? As old as you are, I suppose, twenty.' Sirius could barely hide his surprise at that.

'Well, I'm twenty-one, so no need to get cocky here. Speaking of that,' Sirius let his eyes go down Remus' body. 'shouldn't' you get dressed? It's bloody cold in here.' Remus started blushing at that. He quickly wrapped his arms around himself and jumped of the examination table. Not a very good idea, Sirius caught him just in time before he could hit the ground.

'Oof, take it easy there; it's not because the potion cancels out the pain that your body feels any better. You'll still need a couple of days of rest.' He carefully placed Remus back on the table. 'Let me get those for you.' He quickly walked to Remus' cage and picked up his clothes.

'Aren't you done yet?' Bandaid had walked in at some point, 'You can send him home, we've got some paperwork to do. And we have to send out forms about their new brandings.' Sirius noticed that he looked at Remus as if he were a thing, and couldn't help but wonder when he had stopped doing that.

'Ill be right up, Sir.' he answered as he quickly turned his back on Bandaid to bring Remus his clothes. 'Here they are. So, how are you going to get home?'

Remus saw Bandaid leave over Sirius shoulder. He took his clothes from Sirius and looked at him. They shared a quick smile. 'Ill be fine. I take a muggle bus and the stop isn't far from the ministry. It goes straight to my area.'

'Alright, I'll see you next month then.' Sirius said the words quietly, he couldn't help but hesitate. He wanted to say more, but didn't know what he wanted to stay to this boy –no Remus- , he wanted to stay with Remus just a bit longer. He knew he had to go though. 'Bye then.'

Remus smiled sadly, putting on his clothes. 'Bye, and thanks for the potion.'

Hphphphphp

On the bus Remus couldn't help but curse himself. How had this happened, why was Sirius so nice to him? He couldn't help but think up crazy theories like wanting werewolf potion ingredients to sell on the black market. Yet something deep inside him couldn't stop hoping, hoping that maybe somebody could care for him. He quickly pushed those thoughts away, no, he shouldn't hope for irrational things. He should be worrying about paying for rent, or food. Yes, getting a new job should definitely be number one on his priority list. If only he could stop thinking of those grey eyes.

Hphphphphp

Sirius was sitting at his desk, bent over forms about the new werewolf regulations. 'These new regulations are in order because of the difficult times we are in…' He had tried to read the booklet a million times, his thoughts just drifted of to the young werewolf. He was angry at himself for being so emotional about this. He wasn't sorry he had given Remus the potions though, no matter what Bandaid said. He was a healer, so it was his job to heal, right?

Good thing there was an order meeting tonight. It would take his mind off of things. He could talk with James and Peter, and maybe afterwards take Alicia out on a date. He grinned. Now that would take his mind of of Remus.

Hphphphphp

James was worried. He'd just come back from a meeting with Dumbledore and he didn't get good news. On the contrary, it seemed that Lily, Harry and he had become one of Voldemorts targets. He sighed, not liking the idea of having a secretkeeper, but if it was necessary to protect his family...

He knew both Sirius and Peter would be willing but he didn't like putting them in danger. Dumbledore had offered, but the man had so much to worry about already. New deaths every day, sometimes he wished he was a Muggle. He took a hand full of floo powder and shouted 'Godric's hollow!'

* * *

The story is advancing slower then I hoped it would. I'm still proud of this chapter, it's not only longer, but it flows more, I think.  
Thanks for the reviews! They really encouraged me to write this chapter. (I wasn't sure I wanted to continue the story at first)  
Ffnet rules say it's verboten to reply to reviewers in the story. I don't want this story deleted, so if you have a question, just leave your e-mail address and Ill get back to you.

Please leave your comments!


	4. Chapter three

_Summary_: AU What if Dumbledore never became headmaster? Remus wouldn't have been able to go to Hogwarts. When Sirius becomes a healer they meet at the ministry. RLSB SLASH

_Disclaimer_: Not mine!

Many thanks to my wonderful beta Versipellis! Remaining mistakes are my own.  
Chapter dedicated to Searlupe.

* * *

Muggle London was alive and buzzing this evening. Sirius wrapped his coat tighter around his body. He liked the piercing cold of December, the muggles around him all looked carefree and he wished he could feel that way too. James' news after the Order meeting had brought him down rapidly. The thought of James, Lily, and oh, little Harry getting killed by Voldemort was unbearable. He had immediately volunteered to be their secretkeeper. He didn't care if he'd be an obvious target, he knew he wouldn't say a word, no matter what happened.

James, however, seemed to think Peter would be the better choice. It made sense, Sirius knew. He could be the decoy, the Death Eaters would go after him while his friends would be safe. Nobody would ever know they switched. James had looked tired as he sat with Lily behind him, Harry in her arms, both with concerned faces. It had shocked Sirius.

---

Remus Lupin woke up in his bedsit and knew there would be no jobhunting today. Stiffness after the moon was always a bitch. He made involuntary sounds of pain that he couldn't quite suppress, no matter how much he tried. 'Oh, fiddlesticks,' he thought, and with a load groan he pulled himself to his feet. It was on days like this he wished his bed consisted out of more than a mattress.

He shuffled to the refrigerator and took out a vial of painkilling potion. He looked at it wistfully. He only had one left after this one. He couldn't help but think how wonderful it would have been if he had gone to Hogwarts, or even just knew how to brew potions. He didn't have money to spare for ingredients, he knew that. But maybe he could've made potions for other people, muggles! He could've sold it as a herbal concoction; He grinned, that was all very illegal of course. He would go to Azkaban for these kind of things.

It made him think of the new regulations. They would be harsh. There was chaos in the wizarding world, he knew, though he didn't notice it very often. Most of the werewolves had joined Voldemort, promises had been made, he had heard the whispering in the cells before moonrise. But even Voldemort didn't want him, too weak, too poor and no magical training. He couldn't help but wonder if he'd be tempted to join if he were asked.

Which side would Sirius be on? he wondered. He wished he could ask, could talk to him. He had known he was gay for some years, so he wasn't surprised that he was attracted to Sirius. Not that it mattered, people didn't like to touch werewolves, and he wasn't interested in casual contacts. He had a healthy relationship with his own hand, thank you very much.

He lay back on his bed. Maybe he wouldn't mind a bit of casual contact with Sirius. As he put his hand down his pants, all he could think of were grey eyes.

---

'Alicia!' Sirius grinned, he was afraid she wouldn't be able to make it on such short notice, and that he'd have to call another of his girls. 'So glad you could make it.' Yes, she'd be the perfect relief for all that tension. They could get drunk and have a nice shag.

'Ah, Sirius.' she purred. 'You know I always have time for you!' She waved at the waiter for another pair of drinks.

'I know. Did I tell you about my job at the internship yet? At the werewolf registry?' Sirius thought about his boy that morning, it all seemed ages ago now. Maybe he should have given Remus more painkilling potion. Then again, he had done without for so long, he should be fine.

When he realised that Alicia was staring at him, he quickly threw her a smile. 'Sorry, long day. How about we go to my place? We can use the floo here.'

Alicia was happy to comply. After all, Sirius Black was quit a catch, even if he was disowned by his family.

---

Sirius woke up alone in the bed the next morning, Alicia had left in anger earlier, and he couldn't bother to figure out why. He was slumbering until he heard James shouting through the fire.

'Wake up Sirius, something has happened at the Prewetts.' Sirius got up immediately.

'You go ahead James! I'll be there as soon as possible!' he shouted. They would probably already be too late. He put on his pants as fast as he could. He didn't want to see the Dark Mark above another house, and the Prewett boys weren't just in the Order, they were young and had plans for their lives. They had only been one year above them in Hogwarts.

And then there as that time Fabian Prewett had snogged him, which was dubbed 'the incident we do not talk about'. He hadn't even told James that he had liked it. He was not a poofter though, no, Sirius Black was as straight as an arrow. He left hurriedly to help James and the rest of the order.

* * *

Apparently the last chapter was a bit disappointing to most of you, I hope you like this better, it was difficult for me to write. I'm kind of wondering whether you guys want this to have a plot, or just the rlsb story. If you don't like it, please tell me what's wrong with it!

I know it was very short, I had a challenge fic to collab before the deadline, not to mention exams coming up. I'm sorry, maybe I should have waited with posting, but I wanted to give all my wonderful reviewers something. Ill probably rewrite the prologue and chapter one before I continue.

Reviews makes me want to write.


	5. Chapter four

_Summary_: AU What if Dumbledore never became headmaster? Remus wouldn't have been able to go to Hogwarts. When Sirius becomes a healer they meet at the ministry. RLSB SLASH

_Disclaimer_: Not mine!

Many thanks to my wonderful beta Versipellis! Remaining mistakes are my own.

* * *

CHAPTER FOUR 

Remus liked visiting his parents, they still lived in the small cottage he grew up in. Because he was a werewolf, his dad couldn't just Apparate him. So he had to take the bus. He didn't mind though, the bus ride was only a couple of hours and it gave him a chance to quietly sit down, think and stare at the landscape passing by. He was obligated to visit his parents every two months as they were still his legal guardians. They would be until they died and then the ministry would take over.

As soon as he walked through the front door his mother hugged him. 'Oh Remus, have you been eating enough? I think you've lost weight again.'

Remus wriggled out of her hug, he had to duck his head so she wouldn't see his smile. He'd never admit he liked her fussing, 'Oh, Mum, I'm fine. How have you been? Where's dad?'

'Your father is still at work, he's been working overtime a lot lately, but he should be here within an hour.' She put her arm through his and led him to the kitchen. 'We've been fine, a bit worried about you though. How's your new job going?'

Remus sighed, he knew he couldn't tell his mum he'd lost his job, she'd worry too much. 'It's going rather well. What did you make for dinner?' He hoped she hadn't tried to make something new, he loved his mum, but she was a terrible cook.

'Oh, don't you worry, I've made cottage pie. No need to run.' She laughed as she said it.

'M'sorry mum, didn't mean anything by it.' Remus laughed too. It felt great to be home.

---

At the ministry Sirius was starting to wonder whether becoming a healer had been a good choice after all. The full moon had been better then he'd expected, but the work before and after the full had little to do with healing so far. At least he was done sending out owls and next week werewolves from Scotland would come in for their check-ups. And then there was the full moon tonight.

He was curious to see Remus again; he had to admit, after a week the boy had drifted to the back of his mind. But even with everything going on, he had lingered there. He'd make sure to give him enough painkilling potion tomorrow before he went home. That would put Sirius's mind at ease. That and knowing Peter had agreed to be the secretkeeper. As a matter of fact, he almost seemed happy. Sirius figured he was proud to get such an important job, protecting James' family. Obviously he hadn't given Peter enough credit in the past, he would've expected him to be scared.

Ah well, he'd better get started on the potions he'd need tomorrow. He'd be on his own tomorrow but Bandaid was doing the lock-up today.

---

Remus was on time for lock-up. He had waited a long time to see Sirius again. He was nervous, maybe his expectations were too high, but he'd be devastated if they wouldn't meet up. He wasn't even sure what he expected, maybe Sirius had already forgotten about him. Probably, he thought, as he saw Bandaid walking down the stairs.

Bandaid had locked Remus up last. Remus couldn't help but feel like an animal when he was in the cage. He heard the door close and when Bandaid couldn't be heard anymore, the other werewolves started to talk.

'Yes, both me and my husband have joined the Dark Lord. It's the best choice if you want a better life.'

'He promised that we would be treated equally.'

'It can't be worse then how things are now, did you hear about the new branding?'

The man in the cage next to Remus turned toward him. 'What about you boy? Have you joined him yet?'

Remus looked up at the older man. 'I don't think he'd be interested, I never went to a magical school.'

The man frowned. 'But you support the cause, right?'

Being treated equally sounded pretty good to Remus. 'Sure.' It's not like it really mattered what side he was on, and he didn't want to be an outsider among werewolves too, life was hard enough.

---

Sirius was worried, he had carried Remus to the bed in the healing room and had patched the other werewolves up and sent them home. But Remus was still unconscious; he watched the thin chest rise and fall for a while but snapped out of it. He hurriedly started to heal scratches and bruises. It must have been a bad transformation, he thought. He picked up a soft cloth and started to clean of the blood.

Remus started coughing while Sirius was gently bandaging his left foot. Sirius was immediately by his side.

'Hey.' Remus saw Sirius smile hesitantly, 'How are you feeling? I was getting worried, you wouldn't wake up.'

'I'm fine.' Remus croaked. 'Ill be fine.' He tried to sit up a little, but Sirius wouldn't let him.

'You can stay here for a while, Bandaid has a day off.' Sirius reached for the potions. 'Here drink this one, you'll feel better.' He brought the potion to Remus' lips and made sure he drank it all.

'I made some extra for you to take home.' Sirius pushed Remus hair out of his face and kept his hand there. 'You'll feel better soon.' He looked into Remus' eyes and resisted the urge to lean down.

Remus felt like he couldn't breath, Sirius was so close, and his hand was so warm where it lay on his head. Suddenly Sirius pulled away, and Remus couldn't help but feel disappointed. 'What time is it?' He asked in a small voice, trying to hide his feelings.

'The moon set almost an hour ago.' An uncomfortable silence fell.

'There you go, your foot will be alright now, here are your clothes, oh, and don't forget to take these vials with you.' Sirius obviously wanted Remus to leave. Remus bit on his lip to ignore the disappointment. What had he done wrong?

Sirius didn't know how he felt, he had almost kissed Remus, he was sure of that. The werewolf was almost dressed, good. He pressed the vials in Remus' hands.

'There you go, see you next month.' He gently pushed Remus toward the door.

He watched Remus walk toward the stairs. Really, this was for the best. This couldn't go anywhere and with James and Lily – His thoughts stopped when he saw Remus stumble. In a second he was by Remus' side supporting him, oh Merlin, were those tears? He panicked, he hadn't meant to hurt Remus.

'Hey, I - ' Sirius didn't know what to say. 'Im sorry, okay, it's just, I work here and - '

He took Remus' head in his hands to wipe away the tears with his thumbs. Remus felt so soft and cold, Sirius automatically held him closer to comfort him. He brushed Remus' hair back and could feel him shivering. His heart was beating so hard, he couldn't think straight. Before he realised what he was doing, he wrapped his arms around him and brushed his lips against Remus'.

* * *

Sorry about the long wait and the cliff-thing, exams are over, so expect faster updates. Im not very happy with this chapter, let me know what you think, please. 


	6. Chapter five

_Summary_: AU What if Dumbledore never became headmaster? Remus wouldn't have been able to go to Hogwarts. When Sirius becomes a healer they meet at the ministry. RLSB SLASH

Will become an M soon.

_Disclaimer_: Not mine!

**NOT BETAD**! She's been very busy these last few weeks, but I didn't want to keep you guys any longer. This will be replaced with the betad version asap.

* * *

CHAPTER FIVE

It had been a mistake of course. He hadn't been thinking straight. He really shouldn't have kissed Remus. Remus had looked at Sirius with wide open eyes, scared, shocked even. He still didn't quite understand where the frail boy had found the energy to run so fast. He'd been stupid, yes, very stupid not to follow. Maybe Remus had had to wait for the next bus, he could've catched up easily, but he hadn't. Instead he had cleaned out the cells.

He brought his hand up to his lips, he should've made sure Remus was alright, he did feel guilty but not as much as he was confused. He didn't quite understand what had happened. He'd talk to Remus at the next full moon, explain it had been a mistake and ask to remain friends or something. Or maybe it wasn't a good idea, maybe he should pretend nothing had ever happened.

---

'Hey mate.' Sirius called out. 'How've you been?'

James didn't look too happy, earlier this week Dumbledore had given both him and Lily house arrest. He had decided it was too dangerous for them not to go into hiding. James could only respond to auror calls, no more Order business. As a result, he felt awful. Normally he wouldn't mind being locked up with Lily and Harry, but now there was a war going on. And he wanted to help fight it.

'Bored.' James said plainly. 'I had a fight with Lily yesterday, and now she won't let me enter the kitchen, and she's got Harry in there.' He sulked.

'Ah, she'll come around.' Sirius said cheerful.

'I doubt it, she hates being here as much as I do.' James sighed and said louder, 'And it's only worse when she's angry with me.'

Sirius couldn't help but grinning, domestic fights at the Potters were nothing like they used to be at home. He knew they'd figure it out soon enough, he didn't know two people who were more right for each other.

'Have you seen Peter lately?' He asked.

'Yeah, he's going to be the secret keeper, we're doing the fidelius charm in a few weeks, as soon as Peter can finish his business to go into hiding himself.' James looked sad, 'I hate to put him in any danger, but he keeps on saying it's no problem.'

Sirius put his hand on James' shoulder. 'Hey, it'll be fine. No one will suspect Peter, and by the time you come out of hiding, Voldemort will be as death as he can be.'

'It doesn't seem fair, I'm hiding here while all my friends are fighting.' James' shoulders slumped. 'I don't know Sirius, if something happens to Peter-.'

'Nothing will happen, I'll look out for him, you know I will.' Sirius didn't like to see James down like this, but he had some troubles of his own. 'Say James, have you ever-. I mean Lily, did you how she was the right one immediately? Of course you did, that was a silly question. I just-.'

Now this did cheer up James. 'What are you saying Sirius? You've gone and fallen in love?' He teased.

'Well, you see, I- I don't know.' Sirius let himself fall down on the couch next to James. 'I haven't the foggiest.'

'Well, do I know the lucky lass?' James asked. Now, Sirius had never been one for stalling.

'It's not a lass, James, it's a bloke.'

James' smile fell and there was a long silence, Sirius could hear Lily moving around in the kitchen.

'I don't know what to do. I can't stop thinking about him, and I kissed him, I kissed a _bloke_ James.' James' silence was starting to frighten Sirius. He hadn't thought his friend would approve, but he had counted on advice, or something.

'Sirius, I don't know what to say.' James finally looked up at him. 'You'll get over it, it'll pass. You'll find yourself a girl, weren't you dating one the other day?'

'Oh for god's sakes, James.' Lily came barging into the living room, hands full with Harry and her wand to levitate the tea tray. 'Sirius, if you think you're in love, you should talk to him, you can't just ignore it. My uncle Harold lives together with a man, and they are both very happy.'

Sirius looked dumbfounded and tried to make eye contact with James, but he only looked at the floor. Lily handed out the tea and sat down with Harry on her lap.

'Sirius you shouldn't be afraid of this.' She said. 'It's never wrong to be in love, and I'm sure he's a wonderful person. Tell us something about him. Where did you meet? Does he feel the same?'

'I don't know.' Sirius murmured, and suddenly the idea of not being with Remus scared him. He didn't get much time to ponder it, because next thing he knew an owl flew in requesting help.

---

When Sirius arrived at the site, he saw there wasn't much they could do. Where the cottage must have been was a sea of fire, a dark mark hanging peacefully above it.

There were also two bodybags on the ground.

'Who are they?' Sirius asked, coughing, the smell made him sick. 'They're not members of the Order, are they?' Many wizards were working on subduing the fire, James being one of them.

'No, must be Rey and Luna Lupin.' An auror answered. 'They are unrecognisable, but they lived here. We have no idea why You-Know-Who wanted to kill them.' He looked at the paper in his hand. 'They have a son, a Remus Lupin, lives in London, maybe he knows more.'

'A werewolf. They've been lining up to join Him from the start.' Sirius heard a woman say. 'His parents were the guardians, it'll know what's going on, no doubt. They're getting it.'

Sirius felt nauseous. Remus couldn't have anything to do with this, the boy didn't control his magic, he had no appeal to Voldemort. He saw James walking toward him and talking, but he couldn't make an effort to listen. He was confused. James was grabbing his arm now but when he heard the pop of double Apparation he wrenched himself loose.

'What do you have to do with this?' An auror shoved a magically handcuffed - wide eyed and still in pyjamas - Remus against a tree.

'That's my job!' Sirius shouted, he walked over to Remus quickly. 'Sirius Black, werewolf registry, turn him over, would you.' He said in a terse voice. The auror looked up confused, but backed of.

Remus looked around, clearly not understanding what was going on, he had been brutally woken up and Apparated to this place, people were yelling at him and now Sirius was here. The cuffs hurted and he had no idea what was going on. Sirius pulled him toward him in a weird kind of embrace and he briefly wondered if this was some strange dream.

Then he saw what was left of his parents' cottage and all went black.

* * *

Taking plot bunnies/requests at the moment, I have some of my own, but Im not feeling very inspired by them. I'm even temped to try a crazy mpreg to get out of my apathy. The rest of the story is all planned out and the next chapter is almost written, there's just a couple of chapters left. 

Please leave a review! After the lack of it lately, Im prepared to beg.


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